Why is it that when something good comes to an end, we feel like we have the right for it to continue? Like if someone passes on, we feel like they should have lived longer? When a relationship ends, we feel like it should continue? I'm sick of this pain of losing all the good things.

I probably shouldn't have talked so much about my ex leaving me, and hurting me the way he did, but I thought I was "being more open" about what I was thinking about.

I've just realized how spoiled I am... I had such a good thing, and now that its over, I still want it. I want him to hold me, to kiss me, to gaze into my eyes. I want to be with him, but it is impossible. He is gone now, and I may never be able to feel the warmth of his body as he holds me close to him.

I wish I could have been everything that he could have wanted, just to be with him longer... I feel so uneasy about feeling so useless and I'm nervous about what may happen in the future... I just long for his touch, his smell, his smile.

I was almost beginning to believe that I was living that fairy tale. That I had met Prince Charming and that I would live happily ever after. I never felt that way with Michael, Max, Steve... not even with Nick. I felt that I could let go of those stupid dreams of becoming a pop star in Japan or even teaching abroad. I was even losing interest in my Korean boy bands. It all seemed like a joke, my dreams. It felt like they weren't worth even chasing after anymore, because they wouldn't bring me the happiness I was feeling being in his arms.

It feels as though my heart has stopped and time has shattered, or maybe even the other way around. I don't know what to do, how to feel.

Everything reminds me of him, of being with him. I can't even look at my boy bands the same way. I feel like sleeping and never waking up...

I wish to live in a dream, where this heartache cannot reach me. Where my Prince Charming IS real, and he is holding me tightly, as if he were to never want to let go. I think I just realized that this dream is only possible if I were to sleep and never wake up.